Return to the Fray

It’s the last night of my Pender Island retreat. It has been a good reset for me and a chance to spend some time with family and nature.

I spent my last two days here exploring – running into eagles, fish, otters, crabs, seals, whale sightings, and some snakes. I toured the islands trails and did some beach combing/rock climbing. Sadly the beach combing resulted in getting pinched on a toe by a crab and the rock climbing involved getting too close to a bee nest BUT hey that’s nature for you.

At any rate the return is both a happy and sad one to a fond summer experience.

To more ahead.

Note about journaling

I believe that after a few days of scribbling down pages of text in a notebook that it is important to remember that everything posted online has the potential to be public domain.

What is meant to be personal should stay personal – and what is public should be used that way.

When it comes to my writings here – I prefer to think of them as thoughts I would talk aloud about.

It really helps to keep all of that in perspective. The digital domain is not for everything.

As far as todays brief summary of holiday events:

- more rain today
- I saw eagles, seals, otters, herons and a doe from about 6 feet away
- for some reason on holiday – I seem to wake up earlier and on a consistent time basis.

Strange that.

And the rain begins

The rain started up early this morning. It’s giving one of those lovely cabin in the fall feelings to this cabin I’m staying at on Pender Island.

I haven’t seen much in the way of sea life from here yet. Still waiting to see a pod of orcas passing by. I have, however, seen Eagles, Sea Otters, Seals, Heron’s and a variety of smaller birds including hummingbirds.

I think as the night begins to settle in I’ll take advantage of the peaceful mood to edit a story and write down more of my personal thoughts.

Arrival & Tranquility

Current Music: Porcupine Tree – In Absentia (album)

Well low and behold, I’ve made it to Pender Island with relatively few problems. It was nice to discover that my cell phone/data connections work well from here and still within a Vancouver area code.

The weather had been nice today and not too warm. Not much to observe yet but I did notice a sea otter and scouted a bit. Mainly just conversing with family.

It’s supposed to start raining tonight but regardless maybe I’ll go for a long walk and/or ocean swim tomorrow.

Until then…

Test before trek

Well it’s been awhile and a rough stretch at that.

I’m headed to a cabin on Pender Island this weekend so I figured now would be a good time to start the writing engine up.

This is also my first post strictly from an iPhone app.

Well I’ll check this out tomorrow and hopefully have more to say then.

A Fresh Start

Current Music: Swallow the Sun – Through her Silver Body / MSI – Shut Me Up

It’s been awhile since my last blog post. I got into the habit of writing a number of posts all in a row back in December and then things faded into obscurity again. Lots has happened over the last few months and now I’ve landed in one of those zones of deep contemplation.

I got laid off of my IT Job recently and have been through a spell of poor health (partially attributed to Stress). I was worried I had pneumonia but it never seemed to arrive with the tell-tale sign of a high fever. Either way – it’s been about 2-3 weeks of on again off again cold symptoms and breathing/lung issues.

I’m now left with many thoughts running through my head: Schooling, new lines of employment, EI, Debt Consultation, Moving, etc…

A sign of the times I gather, everyone seems either jobless, worried, or making changes and moves.

For me, as usual, it’s time to just keep focused, get what I need to done for myself, and stay aware as to how I can help things out there. I keep working towards getting more political and maybe I can volunteer in more community good activities. That’s if I don’t outright flee the city before 2010 Vancouver Olympics.

I just hope I don’t choose escapism again – it never seems to work.

Reflections on the walk home

Current Music: Rammstein – Spiel Mit Mir / And One – Driving with my Darling

It’s the 1st of December and it’s warm and raining. Not an unusual phenomena for Vancouver but still a bit disappointing for the season typically regaled as the snow-filled winter image of perfection. I’m just glad i have an umbrella and a trench coat.

Despite sleeping poorly last night – I’m feeling a fair amount better today. I figured walking out all my discontent would help and it seems to have settled me down a bit. I’m looking forward to tackling on the new obstacles of the week.

Calendars and Websites to finish, People to see and visit, Movies to watch and Cthulhupalooza this weekend! Whooo – The wonders of H.P. Lovecraft.

My day has been set to marching German EBM music – usually it puts me off a bit but today, I don’t seem to mind it. I’m sure tomorrow my tastes will go 360 and I’ll probably be listening to the most un-german thing possible – but hey, it’s good to keep ones tastes constantly on the run. At least when it comes to music.

The Long Walk Home...

December’s Dawn

Current Music: Gary Numan – RIP / Smashing Pumpkins – Soma / Muse – Hyper Chondriac

The coldest, darkest month has arrived at last. The sooner it arrives, the sooner I can get on the other end of it.

It has been a busy weekend – although not altogether substantial in its accomplishments. I was feeling very stressed and full of anxiety all week. I spent Friday and Saturday relaxing in a very calming style and tried to get my reigns around some photoshop projects I’ve been working on lately during the rest of my weekend.

It’s late on a Sunday Night/Monday Morning and I keep thinking to myself on the usual useless tangents that keep me awake. Tonight’s topic running rampant is Zombies and Children oddly. Thought not Zombie Children mind you – that is just creepy.

I’ve been playing bits of a game lately called Left4Dead. A simple co-op Zombie shoot’ em up that helps to dispel any rage or anxiety for a short time. Nothing really worth pondering on that – BUT, after a chat on Saturday I begin to just wonder why we focus on the very concept of the re-animated dead. It’s morbid and disgusting really and yet many people seem lured to it. Would a whole whack of werewolf movies hold the same lure? What about some alien menace done in the exact same style only not dead? Anyway – I dabble in the small amusement of it all even though I think it’s fairly lame and will eventually need to grow past it.

Children on the opposite end of the maturity scale – is a topic that has crossed my head of late. They say men get the whole hormone rush as time goes on as well and I feel that I need to increasingly tackle the topic so I never get led away down the wrong path when the time comes. I just keep having the words “You’d make a good father” echo over and over in my head. Morales vs. Self-Esteem vs. Responsibility do battle after that.

Anyway, Time to start this new week off with some sleep and a reset switch tap. I think I’ll need to relinquish this last week and start fresh.

Towards the Twilight of Winter’s Embrace

Current Music: Tom Waits – Strange Weather & Johnny Hollow – Stranger

It has been close to 6 months since I last inscribed an entry in this blog. I decided after all this time that the site needed a new, more appropriate banner and some fresh content.

It’s been a wacky spring, summer and fall. My life has been in a state of flux – far from solid and full of confusion. I start again in this blog with less than a week before December starts…
I made a pact to myself in the late spring to achieve a number of goals in order to help me stave off a spell of isolationism and to make something of myself. Most of it ha

My old hometown was driving me batty, for example. The city had changed so much since I was young and most of the familiar friends and faces that were there before have all moved on to newer, richer places of living. I felt ancient staying there and needed to go somewhere more artsy and appropriate to myself despite a longer commute.

I would up in Central Vancouver near the Main Street art stretch and I have to say – I’m happy with the location at least. I’ve taken on roommates for the first time since my bad encounter with one back in 2006 but no major problems yet. It’s nice not being alone all the time as well.

My other goals are stalled for the most part. I’m still working my old job with not much change, I’m still sort of in a confusing state in my love life but trying to work it out, I haven’t taken on any radical new hobbies (well a few – painting is quite entertaining – DIY activities are on hold for now) and I haven’t really transformed into a more positive glowing person yet.

It’s a tough struggle – I came to the conclusion and acceptance that my overall negative emotions and thoughts are likely a part of some depression disorder. I don’t have it bad enough to seek medication or serious professional help – but I’ll likely find some way to talk it out and dig to the greater issues at hand. Sometimes it’s just where you’re at in life that can leave a person this way.

This time of year normally breeds a lot of discontent surrounding the season approaching. I’m mixed when it comes to the whole Christmas concept. I’m not aligned to any religion aside from through fading family traditions and the odd family member – and yet I’m thrown into this mixed feeling of giving in to it or rejecting the holiday every year. I’ve had a string of pretty bad December’s in past years. A terrible car accident one year, family conflicts another, a relationship break up on another one, and just plain out feelings of loneliness and depression on another. I can honestly say I haven’t felt happy during the end of this month for about 6 years. I just feel now that I need to leave my emotions and attitudes on hold and do what it takes to hold on to the air of happiness when it presents itself. Too much life wasted already brooding.

My side company has taken off a bit but not as much as I’d have liked it to. I was getting involved in a Graphic Design/Web Design/Photography side project but alas – I think it’s time to leave its current model and just work freelance come the new year. I’ll wrap up what projects I currently have going and figure things out in 2009 for it.

At any rate – I’ve decided to start embracing art more readily again. I’ve jumped into drawing and paint for the first time in a long while and writing comes far more naturally so I’m hoping to blog a fair amount more here on out.

A Evening Reflection

Current Music: Godspeed! You Black Emperor – The Dead Flag Blues

Behind the calm of a society suffering from sensory overload,

lies toxic intentions with the pounding of a political piston

The air is becoming putrid as our oxygen depletes

As demand, density and volume pollute our city’s streets.

Afflicted with a madness that is labelled as sane

Financial intentions are making our lives go deranged

Very little is sacred in a world for sale

Our future is left for the cleaners.

What is this concept known as a Green Earth?

Concrete and Glass are clearly not true to to the earth’s jade and aqua glow

Instead of returning to nature we are submitting our life’s conclusion to 9 feet below

Our species is numbering further and our robotic golems

Build and Construct as guided and programmed

Feeding the need machine in its insatiable drive

A glass of water can offer a moment’s clarity if one cares to ponder

How precious is this commonly underappreciated element of our lives

Hold it up to the sunlight and dazzle in its transparency with your eyes

Can we imagine a day where this commonly accepted necessity

becomes a poor man’s luxury?

Drink deep and inhale and don’t choke while you do it

With every sip and every breath – your quality of service is depleting

You can bottle up water and ship it anywhere in the world

but can you also imagine a life where you have to do so with air?

Some lock themselves in penthouse coffins

observing like god’s from above

Others can tune out the world

With a golf cart and a bag of clubs

Does each putt bring you closer to your goals?

How many people stand back and truly evaluate the social class system that is unfolding around us?

How few forget what they are sacrificing by refusing to change?

How many submit to fear – in exchange for a moment’s entertainment?

After all life can be hard, can it not?